The Maid In The Reverse Harem Game Wants To Quit - Chapter 112
Translator: Nabi
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Chapter 112
The dilemma is that one of the two must disappear from the life they finally found only after going around the same time orbit. Rather, if what Irene wanted was the same as Ahibalt, he wouldn’t have suffered so much.
If only she, as he did, was someone who could say that she would live her past life with only one person to be with.
If only they had endured the same amount of time.
The two obviously traveled through the same time, but the nature of the futility they embraced was different. While Ahibalt was plagued by the sensation of having all his life taken from him in one fell swoop, Irene’s life was lost over a very long period of time, like dripping water piercing through a rock.
And he knew the difference very well.
“I only need one of you, and you can’t have that.”
If everything was taken from him, he could still survive if he had the one thing that mattered most to him, Irene. However, for Irene, the passage of time now felt like she was slicing through her own flesh.
Irene smiled faintly as if she could guess what he was thinking. Her smile was always cold and light as if she had wiped away her feelings.
“I thought I was too tired of living. It will probably be like that again when I go back.”
How could she put this contradictory feeling into words? A terrible attachment to life and an aversion to proportionate lastingness. Even though she wanted to live… even though she wanted to live so terribly, if someone asked her to repeat it all over again, she’d choose death without hesitation.
Sparing her life, she couldn’t take the withering anymore, so she wanted to die.
And though she couldn’t bear to say it, Irene had a hunch that if time went back, she wouldn’t be able to wake Ahibalt.
It wasn’t just from the point of view that she couldn’t kill Ahibalt with my own hands. She didn’t want to give him the same futility she’d experienced in the past. Irene herself knew best how fiercely Ahibalt had lived. How much he cared for Lavrenti and how much he had worked hard to maintain it, so I didn’t want to give him back the emptiness.
Although she didn’t know how long it would be before the ending came and I lost my memory, but at least it was better than having to spend the rest of his life in vain.
In the end, it was inevitable that they would end up circling around the same time endlessly.
“I’d rather be dead than be trapped in time like that.”
Irene thought about that when she realized that every time she died, her memories faded a little bit. So, why didn’t she just die until she forgot about all of this?
“Fortunately, this is a place where death is prevalent, so I don’t think dying will be difficult. It’s the difference between a little more or a little less painful.”
“Irene.”
“Even if you bring me back to life, I’m going to keep dying until I forget everything. So… wouldn’t it be okay if I died several times and forgot everything? I thought that way.”
As her hand was grabbed at the end, Irene stared at Ahibalt, who held her hand. He looked as if he was about to burst into tears.
“…It’s just a thought, Young Master. I’m not really going to do it, and I don’t need to when I have a chance to break free of this shackle.”
“No, no…. the fact that you’re even saying that, to me…”
…It’s too much for me to bear.
Ahibalt whispered sobbingly as his fallen head trembled precariously as if begging her to please don’t do that.
“If you want this life and you don’t want to miss it, I can die for you.”
So please, don’t say that.
He begged. Rather than pleading, it was the tone as though hanging onto her.
Looking at him, Irene asked.
“Is the reason why the Young Master holds me back because you’re afraid that I’ll lose all my memories and leave you alone for eternity?”
“…Do you think I’m holding you back for that reason alone?”
“I’d rather it be for that reason.”
In a dilemma where one of them had to disappear, she wished the only reason he was holding on to her was because he was afraid of the eternity of being alone. She’d rather that terrible selfishness be the only thing holding their relationship together.
With their hands clasped together, Irene held onto Ahibalt’s. Her usually manicured fingertips scratched at his wrist, as a person who was strangled would usually do. As their eyes met, they entangled with each other as if they were breathing as strength poured into the hand that held him.
“Young Master. It’s time to get out.”
“…Irene. That’s—”
“I’m not asking you to choose one or the other right now. Since you’ve been through this long enough, I think you know that time isn’t always the same.”
Yes. Time was never the same.
The autonomy of the game was that the player could go through the same episode and come out with a different situation. Irene often wondered what was the point of being so self-regulating.
She stumbled upon the answer to that question in Edit’s lab.
Edith always kept a list of questions she had, and the research records she brought out were usually a report that answered all her questions. But through her own records of the game, Irene found a locked drawer where Edith had organized her unanswered questions.
And there was something like that among them.
⎡ It hasn’t been confirmed that permanent loss affects fate in this world. It’s presumed that there is probably a pivotal axis that’s the center, but it’s not even clear whether it’s animate or inanimate. If we fail to kill the manager, it seems you’ll have to find the main axis. ⎦
That there was another axis that kept the game going.
“That was a record from three years ago, so maybe Madam Edith knows more now.”
If they could get rid of it with Elios, then one of them wouldn’t have to disappear. Even though Irene’s words were hopeful, Ahibalt’s face still held skepticism.
“And if you couldn’t find it? You know Edith isn’t stupid by any means, so there must be a reason why she didn’t find it.”
“I’m thinking about that, too. Maybe she’s never seen it.”
Perhaps it was something that Elios couldn’t get rid of, or maybe she hadn’t been able to find it yet. Still, she didn’t want to accept the fact that one or the other had to disappear until the last of the last possibilities were gone.
“Young Master. I… I love this life very, very much.”
This life was so precious that she wouldn’t want to live it again if she lost it.
“However, no matter how much I think about it, I don’t have the confidence to love this life even after I lose you.”
I remember the moment we were submerged in the lake under the plum tree. It was a life that could have ended that day, and maybe that day we had our first reunion with nothingness… though you saved me and gave me my life.
I loved you for every moment and wanted you to live.
“So don’t die for me either, Young Master.”
By the time she finished speaking, they were barely a finger’s breadth apart.
Ahibalt’s hand closed around Irene’s elbow and gave it a squeeze. He wasn’t tightening his grip, but it wasn’t difficult to see that he would have done so if he could have.
The reason was simple.
It was because Ahibalt’s face was distorting painfully. Even the curves of his face looked beautiful, and the pain that conjured his face seemed like a deserved tragedy.
As was always the case with any fine artist’s sculpture.
“…Why?”
The always beautiful man questioned.
“I don’t know why… you wouldn’t want me to die for you, Irene. You can live without me, so why…”
“Because that kind of life has already lasted for a long time.”
The cliché time of holding a faint value and struggling to keep breathing has already gone through for too long. Of course, Irene’s life wouldn’t lose its meaning because Ahibald disappeared, but it would never be the same as it was before losing him.
“I love you.”
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Translator’s Note: Hello, it’s Nabi! I’m the translator of this novel ପ( ๑•ᴗ•๑ )ଓ♡ If you like the novel and would like to support me, please feel free to click the button below to go to my kofi~! Thank you so much for always supporting the novels I work on, even if you don’t buy me a coffee, I really do appreciate it a lot. ❤︎
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