The Story Is Not Over Yet - Chapter 185
Translator and Editor: Effe and Nabi
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Chapter 185
“…Madam.”
Inside, there was a modest and less extravagant Findar. Upon spotting Azela, she flashed a faint smile.
According to reports, Findar…
“Have you eaten? Have you taken your medicine?”
“I’ve had everything.”
Due to the unbearable aftereffects, she had been receiving medication from the hospital and taking it diligently.
….Revealing the truth to Findar might be her selfishness, wanting to make herself more comfortable.
“Findar.”
Still, she had to speak. Findar had the right to know… whether to protect her or to consider the wounds she might incur. In truth, this was all nonsense.
The decision had to come from Findar, not Azela.
“I came here to tell you something.”
“I went to the hospital, and they said I’ve improved a lot. Maybe I won’t need the medicine soon.”
“Findar.”
“Oh, by the way, I heard the news. They said the new Emperor had ascended to the throne. When is the coronation? I should attend, too.”
Findar paced back and forth, refusing to engage in conversation with Azela. She might instinctively know what Azela was about to say.
She grabbed Findar’s wrist.
“Findar.”
“….”
“Let’s talk.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
Findar’s cheerful face disappeared. Her gaze seemed cautious and warned Azela as if saying, ‘Don’t do it.’
Still, she had to.
Azela, unsure of how to break the news, licked her lips.
‘I’m the one who killed Benjamin.’
Could she get straight to the point? Because of the words she was about to say, her throat tingled.
“What is it?”
“…That—”
As she tried to speak, her words wouldn’t come out.
Contrary to her determination to speak, looking at Findar’s face made it difficult for her to find the right words, though she couldn’t hide it any longer. She gently released Findar’s wrist that she had held and raised her head to meet her gaze.
‘…Yes, beating around the bush won’t change the fact that I did it.’
“Findar.”
Then, Azela parted her dry lips.
“I’m the one who killed Benjamin.”
A moment of silence passed. There was no change in Findar’s expression when she faced the truth, and she remained calm as if she hadn’t heard anything. Azela swallowed hard. Perhaps she didn’t hear her.
Just as she was about to speak again, Findar opened her lips.
“Do you know what everyone says when they see me?”
“…Uh?”
“They all say something when they see me. They say, ‘Who killed Benjamin?’”
Upon her words, Azela felt her heart drop.
That was exactly what happened. After Benjamin’s death, she heard it from the Emperor, from Zagnac, and from Prince Chises… She kept hearing who killed Benjamin.
Findar turned away with a weary face.
“I never had the time to properly mourn Benjamin. As soon as he died, I had to find out who killed him.”
“Th, that…”
“Even when I tried to move on and forget Benjamin, I couldn’t. Every time I tried to get my emotions in order, I had to hear who actually killed Benjamin all over again.”
Overwhelmed by guilt, Azela couldn’t utter a word. All of this was her fault. The pain Findar was enduring was ultimately because of her.
Azela tightly closed her eyes.
“You’re going through all this pain because of me. I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry, Findar.”
To her apology, Findar weakly smiled and wrapped one arm around herself.
“This is my first time receiving an apology like this.”
“Findar…”
“Plus, it’s the first time someone who killed admitted it themselves.”
“….”
Findar shifted her defensive posture and turned her body towards Azela.
“Why?”
Azela expected resentment or anger to be the first response, but the first thing she asked was a question filled with curiosity. She hadn’t thought she would receive such a question, so she looked at Findar with a puzzled face.
When Azela didn’t provide an immediate answer, Findar asked again.
“I have the right to know. Why did you kill him?”
“….”
“I want the truth with no lies.”
“…Benjamin sided with the Emperor.”
Azela began speaking with a resigned tone. Findar listened silently as her words were mixed with sighs.
“He was planning to kill Zagnac.”
“….”
“So, before Benjamin could kill Zagnac, I killed him.”
There was a moment of continued silence. That one minute felt like over a year.
“You could have kept it a secret. Why did you tell me?”
“….”
“If Madam hadn’t spoken, I could have lived my whole life hating and resenting the Duke, and perhaps even the Emperor.”
“That…”
“You didn’t think I would forgive, did you?”
“….I didn’t expect that.”
“So, you don’t want me to reluctantly say it’s unavoidable while smiling?”
“…No.”
Findar reached for the medicine bottle on the desk with trembling hands. She then took five pills out of the bottle onto her palm.
“I take pills like this with each meal.”
“….”
“Otherwise, I hear Benjamin’s hallucinations. I hear him asking if he was happy that I was the only one who survived.”
Azela slowly raised her head to see Findar’s shoulders were trembling faintly. She knew what she was going through right now, what thoughts were going through her mind. She understood because she had experienced something similar in the past.
“On days when I miss even one dose, I feel like I’m going to die. When I see a knife, I want to cut my wrist, and when I see a window, I want to jump out.”
“Fin, Findar…”
“But still, I…”
Findar swallowed all the pills in her hand at once.
“I have to survive.”
“….!”
“But that doesn’t mean I can die either.”
With tightly sealed lips, Findar was holding back tears. She was no longer crying.
“And no one talks about my life. They only talk about the deceased Benjamin.”
“….!”
“Still, the ones who survived must go on. My sadness won’t bring Benjamin back.”
Azela turned her head. On the bed, she could see Findar’s bag, packed with all her belongings, though she couldn’t tell when it had been prepared.
As Findar was moving steadily towards the door, she naturally picked up the bag from the bed.
“I also killed the Emperor.”
“…..”
“Someone will grieve like me because of my actions, and they will seek revenge against me. Perhaps I’ll live a life without forgiveness, too. So will you, Madam.”
She then touched the medicine bottle on the desk but didn’t put it in her bag. Then, she turned away without any hesitation.
“Don’t expect forgiveness from me.”
“… I’m not expecting that. I just—”
“When I came here, the first thing I did was visit the bakery that Benjamin ran, the one he said he owned. Suddenly, it hit me. I’ve never been here when Benjamin was alive.”
“Findar.”
“I don’t know what kind of bread he baked, what expression he had when making bread, or who visited his shop. I don’t know anything.”
Despite trying to hold back, a single tear rolled down from Findar’s right eye. Perhaps she thought she was losing, she quickly wiped away the tears. Her reddened and swollen eye seemed to convey how much she had been enduring.
“I hate Madam.”
The pain of her holding back was being conveyed to Azela.
—
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