Love Doesn't Matter - Chapter 111
Translator and Editor: Hue and Tea
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Chapter 111 – Lost in Confusion
“So Mother…said that…”
Emilia murmured in disbelief.
“I should have told her directly myself. I was just worried about you, I never thought she would do something like this.”
Hadius looked down at her, crossing his arms. The clouds that had obscured the moon outside cleared slightly, casting a shadow over her face.
“Well, it seems your stepmother really knows nothing about our relationship. I guess I underestimated her too much. It’s nothing else…”
Emilia looked down at her flat stomach.
“It’s only natural for her to be shocked and surprised.”
Pressing her forehead with her hand, Emilia looked up again with troubled eyes.
“What did my mother say?”
Your heart.
Your emotions.
How much you love me.
“She didn’t say anything. Your stepmother wants to talk to you directly, not through me.”
“…Yes, I suppose that’s how it should be. I should have done that in the first place.”
Emilia slowly nodded, her head swaying.
She had promised to put her family at ease and failed to keep that promise. She should apologize, but Hadius found himself unable to say anything, as if his tongue had gone numb.
Perhaps Kallia Bern would ask her daughter about it first thing when they meet.
“Emilia, do you love the Duke?”
…No. That’s not it.
Hadius imagined her response and clenched his fist tightly.
Sometimes words create thoughts.
That question would make Emilia reflect on the depth of her feelings.
If the difference between liking someone and loving someone was just a matter of depth, she might realize that her own feelings were floating somewhere in between.
Then what about me?
Hadius asked himself calmly.
The answer was clear.
He was falling into an immeasurably deep abyss, deeper than a swamp.
He never felt dissatisfied or bitter about that fact. Emilia’s emotions had always been of no concern to him.
But what if she descended a little deeper? If they met emotionally on the same level?
It would feel like receiving the Pegasus statue every day.
Like the habitual act of checking for a baby in her womb, she would habitually accept him into her thoughts and think of him every day.
You, who think of me every moment.
You, who will miss me.
Hadius found himself inadvertently pulling at his tie.
“Maybe I should go home tomorrow, but would that be alright?”
No.
He barely managed to swallow the response that almost slipped out.
He could easily ignore Kallia Bern’s taunts.
But Emilia would be different.
Family was much more important to her than to Hadius.
As he carefully weighed the depth and priority of emotions, worst-case scenarios crossed his mind. She might even close the door to her heart again.
“Raising a child alone while hearing the word ‘widow’ is never an easy task, but Emilia and I have been managing it together,” she said.
Yes.
Mother and daughter managed to raise a child without a man’s help.
Although Emilia had wavered when Kallia Bern laid her hands on them, she eventually stood up again.
Cutting her hair and doing the dishes.
Was that all? She even became a capable estate manager.
Elaine Mauve, the owner of Lha Trang, the woman Hadius knew as “Elaine Mauve,” was actually Meyer Family’s fiancee. It seemed like she had accepted the fact that she couldn’t help immediately because she was pregnant.
As Hadius got lost in his thoughts, the tie completely loosened and the top button of his shirt was undone.
“…Are you feeling hot?”
Emilia asked as she turned to the blazing fireplace and opened the window, her face lit by moonlight.
A cold breeze hit his cheeks, but Hadius felt himself getting hotter.
“Let me make one thing clear.”
The moonlit woman turned her body toward the window, revealing her innocent eyes.
“The child is my priority, more than your emotions.”
He thought that the only thing he could rely on was the little thing inside her, and Hadius spoke solemnly.
“I have made it clear that I don’t want a mistress. And the same goes for a bastard child. My parents fought and lived because of the mistress and bastard children. I can’t let the same thing happen again.”
“Oh, of course…”
Emilia opened her mouth to object, but suddenly stopped and looked surprised. But Hadius didn’t notice.
“A bastard child? Does that mean you have a half-brother?”
Emilia asked out of nowhere.
Hadius realized he had unconsciously mentioned Theo’s story.
“Yes, Theodore Meyer. My half-brother. He died a long time ago, though.”
A strong curiosity emanated from her as her forehead wrinkled slightly.
But Hadius had no intention of explaining that gruesome and terrible tragedy.
“There’s no other way, after all. Remember that the Rochester Act has been passed, officially allowing noble and commoner unions. Unlike the past, if the child is a boy, he can inherit the entire Duchy. And if it’s a girl…”
He paused for a moment. His slightly dazed eyes roamed restlessly over his small, noble face.
“If it’s a girl, she’ll be called the Little Princess. She’ll wear small gloves and learn how to drink tea while sitting like a doll… that sort of thing.”
Hadius was murmuring to himself when he suddenly came to his senses.
As if relieved of something, Emilia quickly blinked.
“… I know what you’re trying to say, My Lord. I understand it well. Even so, in my heart, I still fear that this child will face ridicule as a ‘bastard.’ I’m afraid, but… the die has already been cast. There’s no room for choice, as you say. Refusing and fearing won’t solve anything.”
“….”
“Mother is just anxious, that’s all. It’s a difficult situation in many ways. Several months ago, the Duchess Meyer came and threatened to break off the engagement. And, Maesen even mentioned such things before.”
“Such things?”
Hadius and even Emilia were taken aback at the sudden mention of Bianca’s name. It was the first time Bianca’s story had come up between them.
An awkward silence settled in.
Emilia cleared her throat and spoke calmly.
“The whole world talks about you and her. Right after I broke off the engagement, they said you’ll get engaged to her.”
“Don’t worry. Bianca means nothing.”
“….”
“It’s purely a formal relationship. My mother chose her and her family solely to expand her business. Besides, I was just nine years old back then. Other than playing chess and having meals surrounded by family, there was nothing like emotions. Above all, at that time, I was completely immersed in shooting…”
“My Lord.”
Emilia suddenly cut him off.
“I’m alright. Really, I’m fine.”
An unknown discomfort gripped Hadius’ heart.
“Don’t worry, I’m not trying to question your relationship. I just wanted to say that I understand my mother’s perspective… That’s why I brought up the story.”
He felt a pang of emptiness in his chest.
“Mother was not like that originally…”
Amid the awkward silence, Hadius put his hand in his pocket, and Emilia reached for a book.
“Anyway… I’ll make a study for you at Hedel’s house.”
A glimmer of joy appeared in Emilia’s bright blue eyes.
“Thank you. I hadn’t even thought about it…”
Suddenly, he wanted to ask something rash.
“Do you love me?”
“Oh, by the way, My Lord.”
“…Say it.”
“After meeting my mother, should I come back here right away?”
“Do you dislike it?”
“It’s not that I dislike it, but… I keep wanting to go home.”
Emilia leaned on a large book, resting her chin on the corner.
“If we move to Hedel as ‘Elaine Mauve,’ no one will know. My mother and siblings will understand the seriousness of the situation and will surely keep the secret… I’ll also avoid going out as much as possible and live as discreetly as I can. Would that be okay?”
Hadius looked around her.
Staying here for now would be safer. But as time goes on, the situation will change.
Continuous rumors will arouse suspicion, and most of all, when hunger strikes, this place could become the most dangerous.
Isn’t it better to live as ‘Elaine Mauve’ in Hedel from the start, protected by mercenaries?
They had already settled matters with the Lord of Lha Trang. And she was going to meet the person who claimed to be her father soon.
Maesen was busy planning the guard route between the restaurant and the new house.
There should be no major issues.
“Yeah. Let’s do that.”
The next day, Beppy’s carriage arrived at the palace’s stable. The Queen personally saw Emilia off.
“Send for my physician whenever you need. If something happens, come and find me anytime. Understood?”
“Thank you very much, Your Majesty.”
Bidding farewell, Emilia boarded the carriage directly. Hadius watched her from a short distance, his eyes fixed on her.
Only a week had passed. On the surface, nothing had changed. But Emilia seemed to have become an entirely different person in just a few years.
Will I ever be able to call that man ‘Hadius’?
But then again, even just thinking about it goes against the law.
The Duchy couple should address each other as ‘My Lord’ and ‘My Lady.’ In formal settings, they should use respectful language.
‘My Lord.’
As she silently said it in her mind, the carriage started moving, and Hadius felt his heart tighten.
‘Why is it becoming so hard…?’
Emilia turned around, facing the window. Holding back any emotions, she covered her stomach with her hand.
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