It's The First Time For Both Of Us - Chapter 46.1
Translator and Editor: Bunny and Wyvern
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Chapter 46 – Part 1
“Alright. Let’s start the practice!” I clenched my fists and got out of bed.
It was now time to sleep, but this was also the only time I could be alone. Even though Aaron always protected me in the distance to give me privacy, he appeared like a ghost when something small happened. Not to mention Pihne, Luna, and Lucy…
The other servants also seemed to pay me more attention than before, so my time and place to practice diminished greatly. I hadn’t even started yet! I was left with no choice but to practice while reducing the time I slept.
I rubbed my sleepy eyes and wiped my face. “I should succeed in one go and go to sleep.”
It was dark because there was only a small lamp, but it was enough to check if the veil had materialized properly. I frowned as I recalled the time when I unconsciously materialized a veil.
‘How did I do that then?’
The emotion I felt at that time was a vague fear.
My hair had been raised, and it felt like my heart was hammering in my chest. I unknowingly hugged Arumia in my arms to avoid being caught by the white-clothed man.
Then the veil was the embodiment of the darkest and most disturbing emotions, such as fear and emotions similar to fear. So, I began to imagine things that would feel scary similar to back then.
’A scary thing – a super scary thing…!’
(T/N: Something super scary is Japan’s Super Scary Labyrinth of Fear [scared laugh])
‘Ah! Dad is chasing me from behind with a very terrifying expression! I am running away with great fear!’
“Yap!” As if shooting energy in front of me, I stretched out my arms and spread my palms.
“…”
Nothing happened even after a long time. I nodded my head in understanding as I pouted. “Yes, I can’t be full from my first milk.”
(T/N: Not anything can be done in one try.)
’Don’t be disappointed with the first time.’
I had a more terrifying imagination. It reminded me of the day when I awakened my ability. I was so scared that my body trembled.
“Yap!”
Once again, I spread out my hands. Maybe it’s because I couldn’t properly make the sound at night?
“…”
I see no change. I couldn’t even think of scary memories.
“Yaap!”
It was no use recalling my nightmares.
“Yap!”
It was the same when I imagined a cute cat family walking by, and then suddenly a huge monster was chasing after them.
“Why can’t I do it?”
I put one hand on my forehead and fell into contemplation. I thought I should feel the same way I felt when I was scared….
[‘Someone with a lowly blood could never be Princess Descartes.’]
[‘You should leave here when you grow up.’]
[‘On the subject of illegitimate children.’]
Ah, what is this, coming to my mind suddenly?
But the tail of my thought continued without breaks. I couldn’t stop thinking of depressing things.
’What would happen if later, as she said, I had to leave the mansion? What if Dad didn’t accept me as his daughter? No, that’s not enough, but what if Dad hadn’t brought me to the mansion in the first place? What if everyone didn’t like me and despised me for being an illegitimate child? Then was I also running away from the temple alone again? And in the end, dying just like in the original?’
“Ugh.”
It was such an unpleasant and uncomfortable thought that it really made me feel sick – the anxiety felt as if I was walking on top of cracked ice.
Swoosh! At that moment, a black veil wrapped around me like a veil in front of me, even though I didn’t stretch my hands. It was like a dense fog or a translucent veil.
“Ah.” I looked around and could barely see the faint light. “I did it!”
It happened unexpectedly, but now I feel like I knew a little bit about what I was the most afraid of.
‘I must have been very anxious back then!”
I thought I was unperturbed by Luca’s childish words, but I wasn’t. The people in this mansion had become very precious to me. And I was also greedy for their affection.
“Well… be-because they’re family!”
I felt ashamed and embarrassed for nothing, so I pressed both of my cheeks with both hands, feeling my cheeks
“But… I think I understand a little bit now.”
It was definitely different from when I blindly tried it without being able to control my emotions and not knowing anything. At the same time, as Kuhn said, I was confident that I would be able to use this ability to the fullest someday.
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